August 17, 2005
about last night

i would like to clarify that what i said yesterday (you know... about the faerie-related bodily functions) is not something that is Boy-centric. it's not like it's just around him. i have always been this way. in fact, i distinctly remember leaping gazelle-like from the womb and screaming ferociously till everyone left the room and i could finally go in peace. because nine months worth of placenta-routed nutrition? it goes right through ya.

and i know it shouldn't matter if i do it while he's around, but here's the thing. it does. to me.

i was once upon a time involved in a relationship wherein there were no boundaries on these things. and let me tell you. it got to me. i now prefer a little mystery. i don't need to know every little thing about a person. especially things that involve fluids. which led me to the decision that Boy does not need to know about the faeries, or the seventeen assorted deodorants i keep on hand because using any individual type too often negates its effectiveness, or the gnomes that pluck my eyebrows while he's sleeping.

he will continue to think until the end of time that i awaken freshly powdered and smoothed and glossed. because i want him to.

seriously, he knows that i don't. he's seen me all nose-crusted boogery and sweaty-backed vomity. actually, one time i got "a little bit" drunk at this restaurant he took me to (accidentally, of course) and i threw up in the parking lot. and then he kissed me. no tongue, but still. that's love people.

so he knows that these icky-type things occur. well, he didn't know about that one thing till he read yesterday's blog. (dammnit, internet. how could you just tell him my secrets like that? i thought we were friends. next thing i know you'll be sending him links to herbal enhancement and naked pictures. slut.) he just doesn't need to see it with his own eyes. we'll consider his knowledge of my basic human functions an act of faith. like when he let me put eye drops in his eyes last night.

and by let, i clearly mean "shouted and struggled like a trapped animal as i sat on his chest and pried his eyelids open with tiny crowbars."

entirely unrelated, you'll notice the comment spammers are back. does anyone have any suggestions on how to chase them away? and even more unrelated...

tommy lee started college last night. and i loved every minute of it. but you realize that "cornhuskers" sounds a little dirty right? especially when he says it?



6 Comments:

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

OH...MY...GOD...this is hilarious! When I was dating my now husband, he lived in Seattle and I lived in San Francisco. He had this little bathroom RIGHT beside his bedroom. I have this fear of people hearing me poop (which is the reason I don't go on airplanes) and refused to do it the entire time I was visiting him...which was usually for two or three days at a time...seriously.
Also, my mustache magically disappears when I'm locked in the bathroom as well.

Blogger Jennifer said...

If you stay in a relationship long enough, a person just can't keep up all the mystery. I've been married for seven years, and have delivered two babies with hubby right there. Trust me, there's no mystery, and it's too much effort to try.

I love that Tommy Lee show. He reminds me of my brother-in-law.

Blogger Beeb said...

i haven't farted in over a year...

i'm kidding! it's amazing that he married me... i guess he could be called dumb because he knew what he was getting into beforehand... tisk tisk. ;)

Blogger K8 said...

I completely agree with wanting to keep some mystery. My ex used to tease me about it :)

I don't know where the comment spammers come from - I've started getting them too. I ran across a blog today (http://www.lollygirl.com/blog/index.php) that asks for an authentication code to cut down on spam, but I'm not sure how she does it.

Blogger jenifleur said...

The only thing that has worked for me is switching my comments to haloscan. Ever since then, no spam.

Anonymous hutch said...

i'm gonna try the gnomes & fairy trick with my BF. he's so clueless. i love plucking that one "horn" of his, he can't take the pain of one little big horn hair between the eyes.

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