July 05, 2005
a wee bit of the clarification

first let me address the fact that i did indeed inspect my dog's naked parts, but only with his explicit permission, as demonstrated by his display of said naked parts. he likes belly rubs. what's a girl to do? and i am not (repeat:not)a bad doggie mom. i don't want to take him to the vet because he does not like it. he does not like it with a cat, he does not like it in a hat. i know, i've tried.

things to know when taking pickles out of his safety zone*:

1. avoid letting him know he will be exiting the zone while he is still in contact with hard wood floors, as he will collapse into a doggie heap and drag his many nails across the floors in protest.

2. avoid letting him know he will be exiting the zone while he is near the white (and by "white" i mean white-under-all-the-dog-hair) rug, as he will drop to his doggie knees in an effort to become invisible and promptly pollack the hell out of the rug with sunshine yellow pee.

3. beware: any unnecessary exposure of the naked parts (unnecessary meaning non-bellyrub related) will result in projectile urine. up, down, around. for speedy cleanup, i suggest a hand held sink sprayer thingie. for minimized pain, a tightly closed mouth.

4. treats will not help. any offering will not only key him in to The Plan, but also make him fear treats in the future. example: pickles used to love doggie treats from trader joes (pickles is so trendy) but now will not eat one unless you throw it to him from far far away and then disappear. in fact, because the disappearance is required, i'm not sure if he eats them at all. there could be a stash of sneaker, squirrel and couch shaped treats hidden somewhere in my home. doesn't he know leaving food out gives you ants?

5. he will scream. there is nothing you can do about it.

*things outside safety zone include, but are not limited to: vet's office, groomer, bathtub, beach.

so you can see why i am totally excited to bring him to the vet. cause vet visits require sedatives (for the dog, although it might help me too) and muzzles and effort. effort!

unrelated, i have to go work at the film festival tonight and i am already so durn tired. coming soon: how this guy i dated briefly (known here as PromDate because his other name is less forgiving) is somehow coming to stay with me and Boy. in our house. tomorrow. i need a nap.


Anonymous laurie said...

HEY!!! Do you really live in Hollywood? Why don't you come to stitch n bitch sometime? It meets every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m. at the farmer's market at 3rd & Fairfax! I agree, friends are totally budgeted in, free free free! I had no idea. You live in Hollywood! So does Jennifer. Small world, eh? Come to snb!

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