July 25, 2005
this (really long) post is not moocow appropriate

my mojo has gone missing. my va-va-va-voom as vamoosed. the shake that goes with these delicious fries? gone. the problem, dear eFriends, is the Peep. moocow, you may not want to read this, as i know how you feel about peeps.

okay, children, gather round. it's time for some learnin'. yay!
lesson one: the Peep.
noun.
pronounciation: peep.
definition: girls have peeps. boys don't. so that's that.
term origin: AlliCat.
used in a sentence? Boy gives me a twinge in my Peep.

suddenly i'm thinking, is this appropriate to be posting up on the worldwideweb? eh. you pervs have all googled worse. (i once googled octopus porn and found it. google is hardcore.)

anyhow, the Peep is broken. it has no will to live. this is a recurring problem, so i'm thinking of sending it to bratcamp to teach it a lesson or two, but that pansy glacier mountain wolf would crumble at the wrath of the Peep. eventually i'd like to get some health insurance so that i could find a doctor with some big shiny medical instruments (hmm. instruments. the Peep has always liked musicians) that might scare it back into working order.

until then, i suffer. and Boy suffers. i was going to say, "so send porn," but then i thought better of it. i've seen what's out there. eeeeeew. besides, Boy likes a little booty and that cephalopod (i am so sexy in my smartie pants) has the flattest ass i've ever seen. i think. and those suction cups? geez. totally fake.

and now for something completely different... has anyone seen criss angel "mind freak"? what is up with that guy? he's very pose-y. but he can levitate! i wonder if he levitates while he puts on his eyeliner. and his leather pants. whatever. he's more interesting than david blane. i want to know how he does that stuff. not the eyeliner. i know that. as i poke out my eye with MAC's "engraved" power point eye pencil. you love it, sherriann.





***postscript***

i wrote to cheerios. see below:
dear cheerios:
i eat cheerios every single morning, and have for most of my life. they are one of my favorite foods. i am allergic to milk, so i eat them with rice milk or apple juice and they taste great. i eat them so much, i buy about three boxes a week. i really really love cheerios and even have a cheerios t-shirt. actually, i have two. cheerios rock. just thought you should know.
if i turn in all my proofs-of-purchase, will you buy me a house? it can totally be yellow. :)
sincerely, your biggest fan, kendra


to which they responded: (edited for capital letters)
thank you for contacting general mills. it was kind of you to share your thoughts and you have brightened our day. many of our products and promotions have attracted loyal fans. we are happy to see that you are among that group.
we appreciate your thoughtful comments and thank you for your continued loyalty.
sincerely,
cheerios guy, general mills customer services

don't they know who i am? i can't believe i got a form letter! i am a cheerio eating machine! but on the plus side... they didn't say no about the house!


in other news, i am a burger-eating disco monkey.



4 Comments:

Blogger MooCow said...

And with that my eyes just bled out of my skull.

I drive past General Mills Headquarters on my way to work everyday. I'll start flipping them off when I drive past. Jerks.

Blogger Beeb said...

i have almost DD suction cups. sometimes they get in the way but sometimes i'm very proud of 'em.

Blogger Beeb said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Amber said...

Nothing is worse than when your peep is broken. Except for maybe the horrification of having to go see a doctor so you can get it fixed. And I say that because I'm still, like, 12, and still hate having to have my peep examined by a licensed medical professional.

But wait...wouldn't Octie porn be hot? I mean, all those tentacles...all those different places the Octie could put those tentacles...haven't we all wished that boys had at least four hands instead of just two?

Or is it just me again?

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