July 28, 2005
i don't want my mtv

the downside of having free cable is that now i can watch (and have seen) things no one should see. true hollywood stories for george michael and saved by the bell? check. eighteen bazillion hours of law and order reruns? check. foster's home for imaginary friends? check. actually, i kinda liked that one.

but then good grief.

are there propaganda awards? because nick cannon should get one. i am all for using personal stories to make a buck art, but this. well. i'm speechless.

but thank goodness i can still type! because holy crap this video sucks. you must be warned. in "can i live," tatyana ali (oh ashley banks, how far you have fallen) stars as RapperNick's mother, who (way back when) is in a clinic about to get an abortion. and straight outta compton a christmas carol (can you tell i just learned the strikeout feature?) there is TheGhostOfNickFuture sitting by her side and begging her to "make the right decision" because he doesn't "like this clinic." then they go into the hospital type room (which is portrayed as fairly frightening) where we learn that FetusNick is a magical baby who can move around sufficiently for his mother to feel him "in her womb" at only two months. he also appears fully developed in the ultrasound, which is clearly because he is a superstar rapper fetus, and not at all because this video is completely ignorant of how pregnancy works. but wait, it gets better. TheGhostOfNickFuture lays his hands on her and she suddenly realizes she must run crying from the scary evil clinic into the parking lot, which is conveniently filled with little children in slogan t-shirts, singing "can i live?" the video ends with RapperNick and his momma hugging, which was the only part of the video that didn't make me want to pop a cap in his ass. (oooooo los angeles has made me so ghetto.)

this story is touching in its basic elements: mom was gonnna but didn't and now is pleased with her decision and proud of her son. happily ever after and amen. unfortunately, instead of taking advantage of the positive and portraying the wonderful life they've shared, it went the hitler youth way and basically presents itself as a sensationalist anti-abortion campaign. i realize this is a controversial subject, but then shouldn't we not be making factually incorrect music videos about it to broadcast to already brainwashed kids on mtv 973 times a day? so.
dear rappers: (excluding snoop dogg, who is pretty awesome* and busta rhymes, who is well, something else. i heart snoop and busta.)

bring back the bentleys and the booty shakers. not a huge fan of those either, but it's better than magic fetuses and hordes of chanty cult children. also, gold teeth? not as cool as you think. save the money and donate it to charity. i suggest the Get My Ass Out Of Debt Foundation, c/o kendra, hollywood, ca.

thank you.

also, mtv? i've put you on every morning this week while i was getting ready for work, and have seen basically the same videos everytime. while i greatly enjoyed the gwen stefani video for "cool" (because she has great clothes, even though sometimes she should wear more of them**, and also because she looks excellent as a brunette), i feel that you should refrain from playing coldplay and that bettingfield girl quite so much. coldplay is getting tired and that girl is even less talented than her brother. what? you don't know who i'm talking about? exactly.


*what kind of gangsta can wear powder blue velour jogging suits and pigtails and still be cool? the pimp suits? the colored furs? actually, i'm really not so into fur. but i'll pretend it's faux for the sake of my snoop rocks argument. but the girls gone wild? and the making up of his own words? not to mention the complete overkill on his kids' sports teams? who would have thought you could be a bad ass pimpin' pot-smoking rapper/softcore pornorgrapher/entrepeneur and still be a swellerific dad? snoop is awesome. i rest my case.

**yes, she's hot, but she's also pretty okay talent-wise. it would be nice to have a (ahem) role model who could exist based on her abilities, not on her ability to look cute half nekkid. even though she does it quite well. what i mean is (i'll only be serious for a minute here, people) that if people were more concerned with the quality of the music than the quality of the meat (gwen = grade a) it would be a great step towards all the girls of the world deleting their "ideal" virtual models. which reminds me... "the fat, part two" should be arriving on your doorstep any day now.

and you thought i forgot.

ha.



3 Comments:

Blogger Beeb said...

gwen went brunette? i'll have to check that one out. i figure if you look kick ass in a hot pink hair, you'd look good in anything.

oh and did you see that ellen talk show awhile back? the new word snoop is suppose to use is 'tempid' (i'm not really sure that's spelled right but you get the idea).

"gwen's new hair color is so tempid"....

Blogger miss kendra said...

it's only for the video i think. too bad.

Anonymous Skylar said...

Hey Kendra, just found your blog today. Love your comments on that dumbass Nick Cannon song. Hello?? I don't wanna hear that shit on the radio or see it on MTV. I can tune into "other" channels for anti-abortion chatter. Gimme a break...and like you, I much prefer booty shaking and Caddy grills to conservative social messages such as Nick Cannon's. Thanks, but no thanks.

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